Half of Me Left When You Went Away
by kg1507
Summary: He was everything to her. Every breath, every heart-beat, everything that made the world go round. And when he was gone, everything stopped moving.  Takes place during "Dominion"


It's amazing how just three weeks can feel like an eternity. Just twenty-one days, five hundred and four hours, thirty thousand two hundred and four minutes, and it had been like her heart was caught in an iron vice through every second without him.

He was everything to her. Every breath, every heart-beat, everything that made the world go round. And when he was gone, everything stopped moving. Every moment that passed without knowing if he would make it back to her was the most unspeakable form of torture. Lois Lane had been through many trials in her life, but the uncertainty of not knowing if she would ever see him again when Clark disappeared into the Phantom Zone was by far one of the worst feelings she'd ever experienced.

It was like the oxygen had been sucked out of the world with him no longer in it. Knowing he was not under the same sun, the same sky - it was a terrifying and agonizing knowledge. Coming home from the Watchtower as Tess took over for the night was almost unbearable. The apartment was too empty, too cold, too lifeless. She needed him to fill the space, to make it _theirs_. Without him, it was just a constant reminder of his absence.

The first week had been nothing short of a nightmare. With the fear that Clark would need her help still fresh and new, she had refused to leave Watchtower despite Tess's insistence that she would alert Lois as soon as something had changed. Lois could not be swayed, and stayed on watch round the clock doing everything she could, which was nothing except hope and pray and wipe stray tears when Tess wasn't looking. She barely slept, and when she did, it was fitfully. She was haunted by dreams of a life filled with nothing but waiting, of wedding gowns that were never worn and a ring that collected dust in her dresser. During her waking hours, she never stopped moving. She would pinch her skin to keep herself awake which gave her bruises, and nervously wrung her hands until they were raw and red. She soon developed blisters on the soles of her feet from the endless pacing, but she was so high-strung she couldn't make herself stand still. And so the first week ended.

The second week was the week Lois could not eat. She tried to force nibbles of bread, bites of fruit, anything to give her strength. But her nerves could keep nothing down and soon she could only drink small amounts of liquid. She tried to drink coffee to keep herself from falling asleep, worried she would miss something if she dozed off, but the caffeine did more harm than anything else. Her muscles would twitch with the added stimulant and her heart took an erratic pattern that made her chest feel as if it would explode if she didn't press a firm hand to keep it inside her skin. She lost ten pounds, and the second week ended.

The beginning of the third week was when Lois finally snapped. When she came to after falling heavily to the concrete floor, Tess drove her back to their apartment herself, ordered her to stay there, and left before Lois could utter a word of defiance. Unable to locate the keys to her car, which she deduced that Tess had taken from her, she had stripped her grimy clothes from her body. They were filthy from days of use, and she forced herself into the shower. She could only stand for five minutes in the hot steam before her knees began to give way. She had emerged from the bathroom completely wet and naked, giving no thought to the pools of water collecting wherever she stepped. She dragged herself to their closet, fingering the layers and layers of plaid before choosing one of her favorites, and lifted it over her head as his scent filled her nostrils. She had barely made it to the bed before her sobs began to rack her body with endless waves that left her stomach sore with grief. She did not stop crying for a whole day and night, and then she slept.

The second day of the third week, she had woken up without knowing why her pillow was damp and her body feeling so lifeless. She turned her head to wake Clark up, and when she met nothing but bed sheets, her world shattered once more. It was almost worse the second time around, and she soon passed out once more from so little nourishment in her body and so much pain in her heart.

The third day of the third week, she did not leave the bed. She let the silence eat away at her like a parasite, sucking away all of her strength until she felt like little more than an empty husk. She had no tears left in her to cry, but in the middle of the night she awoke drenched in sweat which chilled her to the bone as she desperately called his name in the dark. As she drew the covers around her in a tight embrace, his name never left her lips. Some time later she woke again to silence so numbing that Lois knew she must've finally died. She lay there for hours, saying nothing and feeling nothing. When she had dreamt that night, a rush of memories took her to happier and sweeter times.

She was standing in a field of corn, staring at the naked and, although she wouldn't have admitted it at the time, very sexy man below her. Little had she known how his life would come to mean more to her than her own in that first meeting.

The first time he had ever held her hand, the briefest of touches and yet meaningful beyond her comprehension. Every little contact with him had somehow found its way into the deepest parts of her mind, imprinting themselves into her memory.

The barn, dimly lit, him in a suit that made him too handsome for words and a dance that had left her breathless as his arms held her close. His eyes, as deep as the deepest of oceans and his lips so close she need only end the distance with a breath.

She was standing in the freezing rain and feeling nothing but the warmth of his chest against her skin, his heart beating faster at her touch and the thrill it had brought her to know it beat as quickly as her own. The thrill of knowing she could make his heart race.

Their first kiss, how it had come so suddenly and out of nowhere and initiated by _him, _after she had just convinced herself a man would fly before Clark Kent made a move. The way all thought and space and time had ceased to exist as soon as his lips touched hers, and the sense of relief and "finally" and how it felt as if nothing could ever be wrong ever again.

She was hearing those three words she never knew she had so desperately wanted to hear all her life. How sweetly and softly they had left his lips, making her entire heart swell with happiness. It was the happiest she had ever been. The same words, the ones she had had so much difficulty expressing and admitting not just to others, but to herself - they had come so effortlessly. No truer words had she ever spoken in her life than the four that made up her response. "_I love you too."_

The first time they had made love - the feel of his warm body pressing against hers, how she had tried so hard to keep the nerves from showing on her face as if it were her very first time, and then looking into his eyes and feeling the fear disappear like it had never existed at all. She'd never felt more beautiful, more special, more loved than she had when they came together that first time, crying out each others' names and gasping for air that couldn't make it into their lungs fast enough. The rush of blood to her brain and stars erupting before her eyes, and then doing it all over again until the sun began to peak over the Kansas horizon.

He was kneeling on the ground, white petals dancing in the air as he opened a tiny box with a ring that meant forever. Her breath catching in her throat at the implication of what it meant to her, that here was someone who was finally telling her he would never leave like so many others. It meant that despite her flaws; how she could be loud and obnoxious and bossy, how she couldn't spell worth a damn and sometimes spoke without thinking, despite all of the things she wished she could change, here was a man who loved every bit that she herself did not. That he would be by her side supporting and loving her, no matter what happened until the day they died and beyond. Forever. And she saw his smile as she said "yes."

When Lois woke up to the fourth day of the third week, she had gotten out of bed. Still weak, still hurting, but she found the strength to get to the mirror and take a good long look at herself. The stranger she saw had sent chills down her spine. Her hair was ragged and limp. Her eyes puffy and red, dark bags resting underneath. Her cheeks were gaunt and empty. Her head swam with malnourishment and her stomach lurched at the thought of food and she almost began to dry heave, but she suddenly remembered everything she had dreamt of. Every wonderful memory of Clark filled her mind and heart, and she focused on those feelings until the nausea settled. Lois felt a wave of dizziness and braced one hand against the cool glass of the mirror to steady herself. She had stared herself down in the mirror with steely eyes, breathing slow and deep. This wasn't her - this girl who gave up all hope when things looked bleak. She was a Lane, damn it, and Lane's didn't give up. She wouldn't let this pain control her anymore, and one thought kept her from burying herself back under the covers.

_He is coming home. He'll make it._

She took a moment to make sure she wasn't about to faint and began to make her way to the kitchen, repeating her mantra with each step. _He is coming home. He'll make it. He is coming home. He'll make it._

Lois had then poured herself a small bowl of cereal, eating slowly and hesitantly. After a few spoonfuls, her appetite came back almost immediately and she had wolfed down the rest of the box and two full glasses of water. She then went to the shower, where she had spent the next thirty minutes soaking away the dirt and sweat and nastiness from her skin, emerging fresh and clean and dry. She selected a fresh shirt of Clark's and took a moment to feel his presence against her still-warm skin before heading to the living room. She then had begun to empty the boxes that towered above her until every single item inside had a place, all the while repeating the phrase to herself. _He is coming home. He'll make it._

It was nearly ten at night when she had finished, and after eating a late dinner that consisted of a can of vegetable soup, a sleeve of Saltines, and two more glasses of water, Lois fell asleep and did not wake until the next morning.

The fifth and sixth days, Lois cleaned the apartment and restocked the fridge and pantry. Her negligence had caused most of the current stocks to spoil and were thus thrown out. She told herself that while she waited for Clark, she needed to get her strength back. After she had finished shopping, she called Tess to see if anything had happened in the last few days, although she knew deep down that if that were the case, Tess would have told her already. She went to bed that night feeling a terrible loneliness gripping her heart. In a few days, she was supposed to be a Kent. There was nothing on this earth she wanted more than for his name to join hers. She slept, and dreamed of flying. She'd been flying since that very first day over six years ago, when she had met an annoying teenage boy with the parents she'd longed to have, and stuck in a little town called Smallville.

_It's amazing how three weeks can feel like an eternity, _Lois thought as she held him tightly, her cheek finding its way back to rest against his heart. His fingertips rubbed small circles into her back, soothing her worries and fears until she could breathe again. She closed her eyes, taking all of him in through each of her senses. She was half convinced she was still caught in a dream - not more than two hours ago had she been asleep and dreaming of this very thing. His arms wrapped around her waist, his voice in her ear and his lips on her skin. But with each moment that passed and she didn't find herself back in bed, it became all the more real and tangible. He was home. He had made it.

Without warning, Lois felt herself begin to crumble from the weight of the world finally lifting from her shoulders. Clark sensed the change and pulled back, searching her eyes with concern. Lois reached for his face, suddenly shaky fingers touching his skin as if to memorize each line, each curve, each dip. Who knew if she would ever have to recommit these features to her memory, for who knew if he would have to leave again? She didn't realize she was crying until his thumb pressed against her cheek to wipe away the tears, and she smiled with what could only be described as pure happiness. She would never change who he was and what he was called to do, even if it meant she could keep him with her safe and sound. She needed him desperately, but she knew the world needed him more. And if she had the choice between sharing him or not having him in her life at all, she knew what choice she would make.

Life came back to Lois Lane as his returning smile sent warmth through her veins. She felt a sudden rush of blood that set her body on fire and she stood on tiptoe to kiss him with everything she had, making up for lost time. She cried and laughed and kissed all at once, and Clark's smile against her lips only made her grin wider. She needed him as close as two people could be, and she needed him now.

She was almost animal in the way she tore his shirt from his back, raking her hands through his tousled hair before focusing her attention on his newly bare chest. They kissed fiercely, his hands everywhere on her newly energized body and God, he tasted better than she remembered. Better than the first time, better than the last time. His mouth migrated to the hollow of her throat and her fingers traced the definitions of his chest, her eyes rolling into her head as he hit the sweet spot he knew so well. She heard the sound of ripping fabric and the blue plaid fell to ribbons around her feet as Clark demolished what was left of the shirt she had picked from his side of the closet that morning. In seconds she had his pants unzipped and her throat grew tight as she felt how hard he already was. She took a moment to catch her breath and gazed up at his looming figure with hazy, lust-filled eyes. And she wanted at that moment to pour every ounce of herself into him - all her love, all her joy, all her desire and lust and need and want for him and him alone. She wanted to give it all to him, to make him feel just how badly she needed and loved him. Words could never be written to describe just how much she loved him, and the fact that she could think of no words was frustrating. So she did the only thing she could think of and kissed him in the most loving and devoted way she knew how. She tried to put every thought, every feeling into that kiss. She only hoped he would understand, and take what could not be said and exchange it for something only they knew.

She pulled away, his bottom lip catching with hers for a moment and she pressed herself against him. Tears were forming in her eyes again and she wished she could stop, but there was nothing she could do to keep from crying. She'd lived too much of her life hiding from her emotions, and she would not continue to do so now when she was feeling so very much.

Clark opened his eyes in a half-lidded gaze and deftly picked her up, circling her legs around his waist and sliding her down to eye level. His erection pressed against the lone piece of thin fabric that separated skin from skin and hit the spot that belonged to him and only him, sending a wave of desire and heat down her legs to her very toes. Her head rolled backwards and rested on the wall behind her, a soft curse whispered from already swollen lips.

"I missed you… so much…" Lois whispered, burying a hand in his thick hair and using the other to wrap around his neck. "God, I missed you."

"I'm sorry for everything." He replied softly. "I'm so sorry." Clark repeated, softly kissing a line down her neck with each apology, his voice catching as he felt her hold him tighter, as if he could slip away if she wasn't careful.

"Shh…" Lois shushed him, her fingers roaming his skin. She couldn't stop touching him, even if she tried. She didn't want to. "Bed." She softly demanded, brushing her lips against his shoulder, biting his steely muscle.

Super-speed was such an incredible turn-on, Lois found herself thinking when half a second later her head fell against the pillows. She wanted that speed applied elsewhere, and very soon. She had no patience for a slow, sweet love-making session. She'd been without him for too long, spent too many nights in a cold, empty bed. She wanted him now.

Lois silently thanked herself for deciding not to wear pants this morning with the blue plaid shirt. It was one less article of clothing Clark would need to destroy. She felt his fingers tugging at her underwear and as she lifted her hips, he tossed them aside. Clark made a move to kiss her stomach, but he froze halfway to his destination. His mouth opened slightly and Lois felt his eyes raking her skin, no longer with desire, but with worry. She followed the path his eyes made and then felt a weight settle in her stomach.

Clark brushed his fingertips against the bruises that coated her arms and looked her in the eye. "Lois…" He whispered. His voice was raspy. "Lois… what did you do?"

Lois felt the weight in her stomach migrate to the hollow of her throat. She lifted a hand and ran it down the side of his neck, down his chest, resting over his heart. "I… had a moment of weakness."

Clark took her hand off his chest and held it in his own, his eyes drifting to look at the protruding bones at her hips. "You look so…" He couldn't find the word. No, he knew the words, but none of them could ever be associated with the Lois he knew. Seeing how tiny, how fragile, how utterly frail she looked… it made him realize just how terrible a mistake he had made by not telling her what he had been planning to do. He vowed to himself that he would never make that mistake again.

Lois brought his attention back to her, bringing him down in a searing kiss. "I won't break, Clark." She whispered against his lips. "I never have, and I never will." Kissing him one more time, she pulled his boxers off and slid them to his knees.

"Please…"

One slow thrust, and he filled her completely. She gasped loudly and the breath caught in her throat as her mouth fell open. Now she understood the phrase, "Absense makes the heart grow fonder." Not only was her heart fonder, but her entire body reacted with a violence that seemed to ripple throughout her very skin. It was like she had forgotten just how amazing it felt until the moment he came inside her again. Lois held tightly to him as he began to move, desperate to hold onto this feeling for as long as possible. Her heart was going to explode - she knew it and she didn't care. If that was the price for this kind of love, so be it.

Lois heard sounds come from what had to be her own voice, but they were completely foreign to her. She couldn't remember ever sounding so desperate. An animal was threatening to burst out of her chest, and Lois was in no hurry to quell that fire. It felt absolutely mind-blowing, and even more so when she compared it to the aching loneliness that had left her numb with cold. This fire could very well end up killing her by the time it was over, but she'd take it. She'd take it and she'd ride it till the very end.

Clark could feel the waves of desire flooding out of her body, fueling him to give her what she needed. She'd needed him when he couldn't be there, when he'd had no knowledge of how to make it back to her. Now that he _was_ here, he was determined to satisfy the hurt he had caused. God knows he hadn't meant to… He thought of the year before, when she had been missing herself - how broken and dead he'd felt to the rest of the world. He remembered the nights of wondering if she would ever come home, and the painful heartache he'd felt wondering if she was even alive. And then Clark knew exactly what Lois had experienced for these last three weeks.

Clark began to thrust harder, filling her even deeper. He felt her fingertips digging into his skin, clinging to him as her body began to writhe. He dropped his head to her chest and kissed her, feeling her pulsing heart through her skin. With one final push, he felt his release and shuddered, looking into her half-lidded eyes and feeling his stomach flip at that oh-so Lois-y grin. After a moment had passed and he had recovered somewhat, Clark began to kiss his way to her right ear and teased the thin skin of her neck with his breath, making her squirm all the more. As she hit her orgasm with gasping breaths, Clark gently ran his hands over her body, bringing her back down from her high. He kissed her softly as she fought to stop shaking from the insane amount of pleasure rippling down her core. She vaguely heard Clark's voice through the fog, but after a few seconds it grew clearer.

"I love you… Lois, I love you. I'm here. I'm right here…"

Lois draped one sticky arm around his taut back and dragged him down to lay next to her. She pulled herself into his chest, tracing lazy patterns down his skin and kissing it softly. She lifted her eyes to look at him, a silly smile beginning to form on her lips for no reason at all. He kissed the top of her head and turned on his side so they were facing each other.

No words were spoken between them. They had known each other for so long that they already knew what the other was thinking. They simply took the time to look at each other, reminding themselves of what they had once lost and how it had ultimately changed their lives. They thought of how their inner demons had come to haunt them and tear them down without their counterpart there to aid them in battle, almost pushing one another to their breaking point. Lois was his heart. Clark was her light. Part of each other now. Half of a whole. Alone, they never stood a chance against their darkest hours, but together… together, they were invincible.


End file.
